Christmas 2010

To say I entered the 2010 festive season completely exhausted and a miserable bastard is probably an enormous understatement.

I bought Mia’s body home and with the help of three local men, Mitko, Gernadi and Mitko’s stepfather Nanno, I buried her on Thursday. I’ve placed her in the area where I intend to plant new fruit trees this coming spring and she will have a cherry tree to shade her.

As distressing as the whole sickness and death has been, I really wasn’t prepared for the devastation that Gina is clearly feeling. I figured she’d be upset because Mia was her baby and in three years, they have never spent any time apart. They have lived together, eaten together, slept together and played together and suddenly Mia is gone.

Since returning to Bulgaria I haven’t been able to get Gina to come and live inside. During summer she would come in and lay on the cool tiles but since the weather has turned cold I haven’t been able to get her through the front door…even when I was nursing Mia in the downstairs lounge-room, she would not come in.

On Friday she just rushed into the downstairs room and could clearly smell her daughter. At first her tail was wagging but then she just stopped and started sniffing and then started licking all the places Mia had lain. I had a blanket there for Mia. Gina has commandeered it and I now cannot get her off it. I can hardly get her out of the room for a wee. She will go, but reluctantly. Last night she went out for a wee and was gone for quite a long time. I went out for look for her and found her standing on the grave, looking really hang dog…she is very distressed.

And when I sit with her she buries her head in my lap or under my arm and whimpers, so softly you can hardly hear her, but it’s there. That usually sets me off, so the two old girls cuddle up and have a little cry.

She’s my old war horse and she’s been to hell and back in her life. I know we’ll both get over it, but it’s been a tough few days…

Now, as you know I have some wonderful friends here, and in Hristina and Volcho, the best neighbours anyone could ask for. I really didn’t feel like Christmas but the invitations started to come in. On Friday I had to go Yambol and pay the vet. My friend Stefka contacted me and asked me to join her and her family for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

I already had invites from Hristina, so was able to decline her invitations. In all honesty, the thought of trying to be all festive and happy just made me feel worse. I was trying to think of a way to get out of any invites I had, but I guess that’s the thing about only having limited Bulgarian…I can’t ring up and make excuses 🙂

Anyway, Stefka then said I should come to her house for lunch while I was in Yambol. …again, I just didn’t feel like going and didn’t feel like being social at all. But she convinced me, and I’m so glad she did. I had a lovely few hours with her and her daughter Ina. The fed me, chatted to me about all sorts of things and listened to me in my misery. I left their apartment with a slightly happier heart. The pain didn’t seem so bad, so maybe some good company was just what I needed and that’s what they gave me.

Hristina bailed me up when I got home and reminded me about Christmas eve at her house. I had a Christmas present for her and Volcho, so figured that maybe I could just duck over, give them the present and then make my miserable excuses. Did I even get a chance to escape ?? absolutely not !! and again, I’m so glad I stayed. Christmas Eve here is all about family, so I felt very honoured to be included. One of the daughters, Velichka, and her husband Boris were there, the other daughter, Marina, was still trying to get over from the UK and some friends of theirs from Mila who don’t have any children, Ivan and Donka were also there.

I had a lovely evening. Velichka made a huge effort to speak nice slow Bulgarian to me and I can actually conduct a slow Bulgarian conversation now, so I had plenty of chatting, loads of food, and plenty of rakia and Volchos very good red wine to cheer my heart. I left there some hours later feeling much, much better.

On Christmas day I had young Mitko and his wife, Veska coming for lunch. Once again I awoke with a huge dark cloud over me and the thought of preparing lunch left me cold….but I did and I had a lovely day with them. They have a young baby, Rosen, and it was kinda nice to have a wee one in the house for Christmas.

And have you ever seen anything quite as cute:
Mind you, when they left, I had a little time with my old Gina and then hit the couch with a packet of mince pies and a bottle of Tia Maria…..a nice way to end the day.

And just when I thought it was all over and I could clean my house, which hasn’t been done since Mia got sick…..it’s a disgrace….Hristina rings me to invite me over for a pig kill. They had intended to do it on Christmas day, but as Marina and her husband Gorgie only arrived yesterday, they postponed it until they got here.

Well, what an evening I had…It was terrific. This is a happy family with good village friends as well, some of whom have been at their house this holiday. Hristina clearly was not going to allow me to stay here wallowing in my misery and has included me in their entire festive celebrations.

This is just a few of the people that made my night so happy

I think you can see that there was a lot of happiness in that room and it was so good for my slightly battered soul. And they even got me in a pic:

That’s Ivan next to me who cuts the hair of all the local men….I’d just told him I want him to cut my hair and he’s contemplating whether cutting women’s hair is something he really wants to do. Not only have I neglected my house while caring for Mia, but I’ve neglected myself as well….I look like crap and I’m told he’s a damned fine hairdresser…so I’ve convinced him that he has to give it a try. 🙂

So, my non Christmas actually turned out to be very enjoyable..thanks to Hristina’s generousity and kindness. I know life will settle back to normal soon and after the last few days with so many good people, the hurt inside is ever so slightly less. Gina just gave me one of her famous jaundiced looks, so I think she’s on the road to recovery as well.

Before we click over into a new year, I will get the last few entries for 2010 up on here and hopefully get 2011 off to a good start.

To all you incredibly kind people who have contacted me through this blog and through my email since I lost my girl, a huge thank you. Again, I’ve been touched by the warmth and kindness of many strangers and the support and sympathy of friends…thank you.